好好的

我本来好好的。
现在，也好好的。
只是多了一点心痛， 一点泪水。
没关系，我还是会好好的。

回报

每天对你嘘寒问暖的我,累了。

你那偶尔的贴心很奢侈。

能不能再多一点，一点就足够了。

好让我能继续坚持。

tired

I'm unhappy.

People said put a smile on, fight the day, and you survive.

I said put a smile on, tears inside, sleep the night, wipe your tears, then smile again for another day.

Dreams are too far to reach. 

The more you expect, the more you lost.

I should be contented.

But, seriously I'm tired.

Convincing myself, eventually the pain will go away, the shock will wear off.

And then you start to heal yourself, to recover from something you never saw coming.

People change? You changed? Or they don't?

I cling to my own imagination, seeing things at the bright side, or at my own view.

I insisted in believing the pretty side, seeing the cup as half-filled and not half-emptied.

I am a girl in case you forget. 

忠告

女人啊，都有一些荒谬的坚持。
她们不大方的，对于你。
所以，别轻易相信她们。

210710 1941

I hardly say "NO" to you, but why you keep turning me down?
It's like falling into a deep valley.
Your "NOs" hurt me badly.
It's excruciating.

ME

I think I have developed a weird, abnormal, unhealthy penchant for self-torturing.
I am kinda in a deep depression, I can't control my mood!!
And the worst part is I don't know what I'm unsatisfied of. I might know. Yea, I might.
But, it's not worthwhile scrambling my mind with this.
My mood is even worse than the weather. I am being extremely extremely exhausted.
Tired of this and that.
I feel like throwing tantrums, but I'm afraid that noone will buy that.
I am too nice to complain about all the imperfect in life.
I have all to cling on, that's enough I suppose.

*It's me being random, I don't know WTH is about, maybe just pms. Girls right?  =="*

There's a someday

There's always a SOMEDAY......

A someday that I wish I can have a lust bite of Secret Recipe's cheese cake, indulging myself in the sweetness of it, tempting every each of my tastebuds.

A someday that I wish I were having high tea with my best friends in Starbucks, sipping hot espresso, gossiping about the happenings in life.

A someday that I wish to have movies..lots of movies, whatever movies, romance, horror, animation, action, comedy...

A someday that I wish to lay restlessly on the couch and read my favourite novel of the time, no matter how many times I have read it.

A someday that I wish to go for a jog, or perharps sweat in the gym,
day that I  just feel like burning the fats in  my body.

A someday that I don't want to get up from my cozy bed while the alarm rangs incessantly,
I will just play deaf until my housemates sceam like hell.

A someday that I don't feel like talking much, too lazy to even give a smile, a glommy day for me.
Well, just don't mess with me on that day.

A someday that I wish I were back home with a table of scrumptious mom-cooked food awaiting.
I miss them dearly.

A someday that I wish I can hang out with my old friends.
They have always been there for me, ups and downs.

A someday that I wish you can hug me so tightly that as if I am a precious that you can't afford to lost.
 I wish to hug you as if we will melt together.


SOMEDAYS just won't happen sometimes even if you wish earnestly. I guess they will come by surprise.
So, don't get frustrated over life, wait for your SOMEDAY, it will come sooner or later.

Have faith.

改变

痕迹还在，只是已经不是昨天了。

170710 0101

恐惧感突袭而来，害怕失去那个曾经，这个现在。


现实就是残酷， 残忍得一切美好都像是噩梦的前奏。
它让你相信，让你赴汤蹈火。


我还以为我有足够的勇气拥抱和放手。
以为只要我放弃，牺牲了，迎接我的就是美好结局。

我们都是公主，活在自己的童话世界。

我太自以为是了。
对不起，谢谢。

DHARMA

It's like a vicious cycle. I tried to stop it, believe me, I tried my best.
My priority never change, it's been the same since a long time ago.
Well, is too sad that I seem to be the only one that know this, the only one that cheer for this.
Maybe I'm too greedy, hoping for more while I already have the best one.
It's just me, it's never been anything else.
Why can't I be a bad girl sometime?
When I am bad, don't I deserve a smile? Saying that you still here.
I can run after you, but I am not an athlete, I can't catch up.
I bother, for god sake, I BOTHER!!
I am done being accused, though I will forgive everytime.
I care, I do.

ABC

他说：

这样的你是否快乐？


这样的爱是否值得？多值得？


平静的眼神 笑容里  问候里透露出着痛。


笨女孩已经太多了，根本不缺你一个。


请赶快放下，抛下，已失去的梦。

too pissed to see the f****** time and date

Ok, I know it's totally not the time for me to get pissed or emotional right now, at this exact moment, eve of my exam..
This gonna be a short one, only to shout out my anger, I am getting quite furious lately.
I am not that tolerant for your information, so bark off please..WTF!!
I am cursing, you force me too.

070610 0225---- PANIC ATTACK & PHOBIA

Listening to Damien Rice, "The Blower's Daughter".
I should probably be sleeping in this hour of the night but sleep eluded me.
Well, I have  a TEST tomorrow, to be exact, it's a RETAKE TEST.
What make it worse, is the subject that I loathe to the extreme,trust me,I'm not at all exaggerating.
CHEMISTRY just isn't my thing, never been my thing.
Looks like I have serious communication barrier with all the GREAT CHEMIST, no offence.
Have I prepared enough? Am I prepared? GOD KNOWS!!

P/S: to those reading this post, Damien Rice is an awesome singer, he touches people's heart with his amazing voice and guitar. Do hear some of his songs. 

warning

I dropped hints.
That's the best I can do.
If you can't cope,
I shall retreat with dignity.
It's as simple as that, but I throw in white flag every single time.
Don't play if you can't handle, it will end up getting yourself burnt.
So,you won, and for me, I surrender.

210510 1449

A series of number marks that today was a totally nightmare for me. A nightmare that I thought I won't recall again since I already 19, one that I thought I have enough mental power to handle, or strike beautifully perharps. Well, I'm wrong. Totally different from what Taylor Swift sings, "today was a fairytale", ironically,I hope it was.
Sometimes, things won't change even if you have grown up. Facts are still facts, those that used to haunt you still do. You want to get over but you just can't.
I want to make this a perfect day for all of us, try to mend things back, back to where I believe is the most perfect. But, now I just want to run away, back to where I am alone there. It might be better for me. I don't need to pick a side to stand with all the distance away. I don't want to see the war. It was hard back when I was a child and it's still not easy now.
Forgive me, but I do believe I have done all the right things and I trust you had too. I will always have the best interest of you in my heart. Love prevails.

When In Pain @ 疼痛时

When I'm in pain, you no need to do much.
Just sit beside me, hold me, even without a word, it will make a world difference for me.
No matter how painful I am, how I wrenched my face, I will still smile because you are here for me, just beside, where I can see, where I can reach.
The PAIN won't be painful anymore, I will appreciate that, cherish dearly.

不要再依恋

他，神秘的，飘浮的，不相信我所信仰的。讽刺的是我的恋恋不舍。
最近，知道现实的残酷，等待的煎熬。等待是痛苦多于甜蜜的。等不到自己想要的，就只有躲到角落舔伤口，只有欺骗自己，他不值得我等待。
但，一再地让自己坠落，放纵，相信这是我与他最后的机会。落空......落空，是最后的答案。
我要的很简单，区区一个答案，但你给不到。
所以，我试着不在乎。不在乎就是王道！原来有时候不太执着，就能坦荡荡。
我从不是个坚持的人。典型的水瓶座，喜新厌旧的个性。
假如你没任何表示，为什么我就要讨好？
我，是好胜的；你，是不解风情的。 所以，我们不交叉。
我的要求很简单，怎知，这也很奢侈。

18 的结束，19的开始。

没来到这个新地方前，有太多的憧憬，太高的期望。承诺自己这将是个新的里程碑，崭新的未来。然而，人生不是事事顺利的。
已经越来越不了解自己，这是我要的？活在众人的期许中？
父母的担心，但强壮镇定，我都懂。
N年前，那聪明的女孩不在了！她少了她应有的那份骄傲。我曾说不哭，认为压力很容易解决。但，我错了。
还找得回吗？不再是主角，还习惯吗？
习惯当观众吗？ 你已经是鼓掌的人，不再站在台上。
好想呐喊，我不再果断，不再相信。 我需要多少的深呼吸，多少的自我催眠才能支撑，再次微笑。
重新出发，需要的是勇气。

trying to live in another way

I have never been a persistent type of person,and I always know that. I literally give up on everything that I could not reach, my studies, a chance for a new relationship...Every single thing that is just in front of me, I don't even care to reach out for it. Well, that's me. People always say that you will get what you want if you earn hard for it. Crap I said. Sometimes,things just won't go your way. Endure with it, that's what I did, and look now, I have become a don't-care-much person. I smile, I laugh, but deep inside, it's a well of sorrow.
I believe everyone is more or less good in faking because being your true self won't work in this world. Hypocrites we are. Fake a smile and everything will be better. However, I still believe everything will turn out just fine. I'm a strong believer, fight through all this depression and survive!! Being myself is the way.

Yo...I am back with G-dragon in JAIL, man!! check it up!!

Well, firstly, to jef, have you seen this?? The title specially for you. haha..

How long has it been?haha..Stop blogging for quite a while,since August. People around me keep fussing me about this blog. So now I decided to update it, a comeback with G-dragon again!! He is truly a heartbreaker. Broke my heart when I knew about it, Jef were the first to tell me this heartbroken news. In McD I rememered, somemore exam week!! Phew, what a timing.
hopefully all goes well for GD and Bigbang.

So guys, I have updated my blog, stop messing and teasing me about the previous unchanged post. I will try my best to stay updated. haha.. I am not a persisitent type of person.

Liz, there I wrote your name here. haha..happy??

p/s: Haven't packed!!